Recording a Loved One’s Memories

Many of us have enjoyed hearing stories from parents or grandparents about memorable times in their lives. You might hear favorite yarns of childhood, school days, weddings, raising children, or their experiences in the war. Perhaps a loved one has simply waxed nostalgic about “the old days”—how life was different, how they got by, or how much the world has changed since they were young.

Chances are, those stories are just the tip of the iceberg. There are many more such stories waiting to be told, if someone would just take the time to ask, and create a comfortable space in which to share those treasured memories.

If you don’t take the initiative to record those stories, they may one day be lost forever. But how do you capture them in a way that is comfortable for both you and your loved one? All it takes is sitting down with them in a comfortable setting and having a conversation about the past—all while you’re recording it, of course. What follows are some simple tips on how to make it happen.

Setting the Stage

First, talk to your loved one—say, for example, your grandmother—about your interest in capturing her stories. She may welcome the opportunity. Or she may hesitate, due to modesty or discomfort with the idea of taking on a major project. If so, keep it simple. Don’t tell her that you want to create a book or relive every moment of her life. Just tell her that you’d like to sit down with her and talk about some of her memories. Plan to meet at a comfortable location, preferably at her home, and at a time when she is alert and energetic. Meet at a time when you can speak one-on-one, not in the midst of a larger gathering if you can avoid it.

Getting Ready

Before you meet, think through the topics you would like to cover. Are you interested in learning about the games she played as a child? What her grandparents did for a living? How she experienced historical events like the Great Depression? You might jot down some questions, particularly those you really want answered. (For more ideas, see this interview cheat sheet of questions you might ask.)

Bring a recording device to record your conversation. A digital voice recorder, available at many electronics stores, can record hundreds of hours of audio. Be sure it works, and practice with it before the interview. Your cell phone may also have the ability to digitally record audio. Your digital recording will be valuable not only as a record of the past, but also because it will capture your loved one’s voice and personality for all time.

One of the keys to getting good stories is to listen. Don’t spend a lot of time talking about what interests you, or the stories you remember her telling. Instead, listen actively to what your subject is telling you. Even if you have a list of topics you’d like to cover, the most memorable stories are likely to be the ones your subject brings up herself. Spend time on those stories, asking follow-up questions to get more detail. However, if the conversation strays too far afield — particularly if it moves away from recollections of the past — gently change the subject.

A Trip Through the Photo Album

One easy way to jog memories is to look through a photo album together. If you would like to record pertinent information about the photos, record your subject as she describes who or what is in each image. If you’re worried about confusing photos, you can keep track by numbering them. On a sticky note, write down a number for the photo in question. Then say the number aloud as you discuss the photo’s contents. When you review your audio recording, you can match up the number you hear with the number on the sticky note.

Photo albums can be useful in gathering information about the photos themselves—the people in them and the situation where they were taken, for example—as well as for providing jumping-off points for other recollections. Be prepared for new memories to be jogged by the images, and let the images take the conversation in new, fruitful directions.

When One Meeting Is Not Enough

If you’re looking to capture a significant portion of a loved one’s life, recognize that one interview may not be enough. Rather than continuing the conversation to the point of exhaustion, wrap it up after an hour or two and suggest meeting again to talk further.

Before you meet again, take some time to listen to your recording. Make sure your recorder captured the conversation adequately. Listening to the conversation may also raise new questions that you can explore further in your next conversation.

When you’ve covered all the material you want, you will have an important historical document in itself—an oral history of memorable times in your loved one’s life, as told in her own voice. You’ll also have the raw materials for a written history that is waiting to be created.

Personal Historians

If all this seems like more than you’re comfortable with, another option is to hire a personal historian. Personal historians are experienced memory collectors and storytellers. They can use your loved one’s memories to create all sorts of keepsakes, from brief vignettes to annotated picture albums to full-length biographies.

David Andrews is the Creative Director of YourStory, Inc., a personal history company that collects and records treasured memories and weaves them into books and other keepsakes. Visit the YourStory website at www.all-your-story.com.